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I should so be in bed right now for an incredibly long day tomorrow, hell really long weeks ahead of me, god damn I’m running out of time so quickly and I have a shiteload of stuff to do it’s not even bloody funny.

The fuck is up with everything going by so quickly? Major stress mode activated. Stupid idea taking four units, there’s way too much to do. God bloody dammit.

No no no, it’s alright, it’s okay, starting tomorrow I plan to be at uni every single day from dawn til dusk. I will get this work done, no matter what.

The downside of this plan is obvious, not having time to chill with people much. Now with my laptop broken I can’t even have a study day at my boyfriend’s house, which just majorly sucks. Seriously, we get heaps done working together, and y’know, clothes are optional and stuff. It’s pretty cool, but now that that’s gone I need to go to uni all the time. Y’know, where there’s people. And I don’t like people all that much; mainly because I can’t have music out loud and shoes must be worn at all times, not to mention buying food in the city all the time is crazy expensive, oh and bugging people for rides home of a night, aaand the go card money too, and not being able to be with my dog as much as I want. Feelsbadman.

I know there’s only about three weeks left, but god damn when you think about it that’s really not a lot of time, especially with my workload, and the constant iterations and refinements and making it worth a 7 grade.

The design project is gonna screw me over. No doubts about that. I’m way out of my element with this unit. They seriously screwed up this game design major thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still gonna try really hard at this, hence major stressing, but it’s just, I dunno, messed up.

My multimedia project is also probably gonna screw me over, because I have to rely on a bunch of idiots to do their part. If I had the time, I’d do it all myself. In fact I’m tempted to rip it from their hands and fix everything.

My games project is pretty massive, but, to be honest, I think we’ll be okay with it. It’s almost done, just testing and testing and testing and testing and yadda yadda yadda.

My programming…I really need to start it. I’m stressing about this the most to be honest. I think I’m falling behind, and it’s really not a good feeling.

Seriously I try to schedule assignmenting time for everything but shite just always gets in the way or I’m too much of a lazy bugger to do it and look for some stupid excuse.

I also think I’ve wasted the past two years. Strike that, I definitely have. My minor is a joke, I’ve learned absolutely nothing from it. My major’s unit structure is effed up. The core units, eh they’re okay. I’ve wasted time pursuing stupid electives like creative writing, and as much as I hate to say it, Japanese. I like that I can read the hiragana and katakana now, and say some stuff other than kawaii, but really, even though I only took it last semester, I’ve forgotten half the things they taught.

Of course, this was all before I knew there was an actual limit of units that I’m allowed to take. So I’m fucked.

I wasted time in first year trying out the animation minor. I made the stupid mistake of not submitting the final assessment to at least pass Interior Design, yes the annoying mandatory game design major unit. Effing structure.

Concept Development and Enabling Immersion proved basically useless. Making a MUD is not going to help in my game design career. Granted, some of the stuff learned was interesting, but practically I gained nothing.

The whole course might need an overhaul, or at least the game design major.

Starting the programming elective though, I realized something. I actually like it, the problem solving, the clear stated assignments with actual specifics, making something work, that fiero moment when you’ve finally figured out a tiny bug that’s been breaking the application, all of it. I really, really like it.

It may be a rash decision, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Apart from a few good core units and decent major units (like two or three of them), this game design course hasn’t taught me much, I don’t feel ready to go out into the working world yet. So I’m gonna take a Masters in IT.

It’ll give me something to fall back on, some tangible skill set that I can readily take with me into the industry. And not just the games industry either, so I’m not limited in choices.

Paying all this stuff off is gonna be a bitch, especially with all that wasted time. But I’m focused now, I’m motivated, I have a goal in mind. The reality of all this has finally hit me, and fuck I’m kinda scared.

I just need to get this off my chest.

I am sick of seeing these ‘girl gamer’ posts everywhere. I don’t give a damn if they’re chicks posing with controllers or chicks actually playing something like Skyrim and Mass Effect saying I’m a real girl gamer.

No one gives a damn.

This crazy notion that girl gamers are super ultra rare is just getting dull. Everyone out there plays games. Who gives a crap if they’re a chick or not? The stereotype of gamers being fifteen year old boys with a face full of acne is just infuriating, adults play games, kids play games, elderly people play games, teens play games. It’s because of this damn teenage boy stereotype that people keep perpetuating and that girl gamers are seen as rare and special is why no one takes the games industry seriously.

Now I’m aware I reblogged a post a while back with the distinction between a girl gamer saying ooh look I’m playing COD oh I died how cute, or something like that, and then the next line being a girl who plays games raging at Mario Kart. For the record, I just liked what she said, I couldn’t care less if she was a chick or a dude. I just thought it was hilarious raging at Rainbow Road.

Seriously, I play games, I study games design, I don’t go around everywhere saying “I’m a real gamer girl”. To all the chicks who do, I’d like to say shut the hell up. No one cares.

I’m gonna go with the dwarves. I think there’s just more freedom with this setting, so much more to play with.

I wouldn’t have to create an entirely new sci-fi world which would take time to explain, but I can have a fantasy world with some tweaks of my choosing. Less explaining, way more fun to be had and more focus on the actual story and gameplay.

Now that that’s settled, I can finally get around to brainstorming how all this is gonna play out. I’ve got the weekend to work on it. I should be fine.

Now if I can actually work up the courage to present this.

…

Yeah, I’m screwed.

So a futuristic sci-fi setting with humans? Or a fantasy setting with dwarves?